Childbirth Smildbirth...

I am filling in for Katie on this update and our latest foray into becoming parents lasted for about 9 hours on a Saturday Morning. We were signed up for a childbirthing class and the day ended up being fairly informative. We made it the entire day with only a few of truly memorable moments. The teacher/instructor mixed in tapes of "natural" childbirth with helpful hints about getting through this "wonderful time". I though that it was humorous when the couple to our left had difficulty understanding that certain sounds are made on the inhalation of air and others during exhalation. When you "jack" up this fairly simple process, what do you think the rest of the birth will be like?

After the breathing exercises, the class was "treated" to another 70's style childbirth video (take 70's literally). One baby was born and one of the father-to-be said, "what is all the white stuff on the baby?". The instructor, without missing a beat, says "that stuff that looks like cheese? That ladies and gentlemen is the vernix. It is a waxy substance that keeps your babies from getting all pruny while they are in the womb." He looks at us and says, "really, a food reference was necessary? I am absolutely screwed if I want a pizza for the next six months." Our little corner of parents all laughed.

The instructor also made sure to work in a 15 minute massage time for the class (that is each husband would practice massaging the wife's lower back, shoulders, hands, and/or feet). I am massaging Katie's hands when all of a sudden she says, "why don't you milk them?" Without missing a beat I start milking Katie's fingers as if they are teets on a cow. She looks at me with the "what in the hell are you doing" face and I explain that this is the only type of milking that I know how to do. Needless to say, we get so tickled that massage time is ruined for us.

As massage time is ending, the instructor puts all the mothers-to-be sitting in between the legs of the fathers for some "rub on the belly" time. We are rubbing away until you start to hear making out sounds. The couple, who had trouble with their breathing exercises, start making out in the middle of class. Katie turns to me and says, "do you hear that?" I say no, I see that and I am speechless. I know that we are childbirth class virgins but that isn't normal.

On another note, the closet has been finished and the room is ready for Ella Grace. We are 31 weeks on Friday and are starting to really get excited about her arrival. Katie and I are just assuming that Murphy is as ready for this as we are pretending to be. Until next time..